My father died today.
This fact keeps rebounding through my head like an echo in empty cathedral.
But somehow, my heart's not there. I don't know what my heart is supposed to feel.
We weren't really close. Though I have a few good memories of him, back from when I was a little kid, I've always tended to sway towards my mother strong, opinionated viewpoint for the past few years after the divorce we never talked much. I was afraid of him using me to get information about my mother, who wanted to be left out of everything.
But as I consider everything in the big picture, I am filled with questions and uncertainties....
Do you miss a person who was never really there? Does his really being gone, not just out of the state or the country, but out of this plane of existance ment to recreate and synthesize happier memories?
What is a father-daughter relationship supposed to be like? What is it to love your father or for a father to love his daughter?
It is possible for me to tell, a least from this point. But I know I wished him godspeed to the other side, and told him goodbye and I really ment it.
