First of all, a thank you. Thank you to all those who have supported me through the last couple years of learning experiences and hard transitions, my friends and my family. Thank you to all of you who have share a laugh with me, given me advice and helped to pick me up when I was down. I can never forget the people who have shaped my world.
I feel it fitting to recognize all those who have helped me to get to where I am now, sitting on this Tokyo and Seoul-bound plane. It would be hard to press on without the knowledge there are loving, familiar faces with good hopes for success to carry me forward.
I think not a few people have been surprised I chose to go to Korea over Japan. The reasons are complicated, but simple. The simplest reason is I applied and I was hired, and a job is a job is a job. And I prefer spicy food ;)
But the more complicated answer is the nature of the relationship with Japan. I have done a lot of soul-searching, seeking an answer to the question, “Why am I so attracted to a country so contrary to my values of frank honesty and enthusiasm?” Three years ago, I made my first journey to Japan, seeking validation for these strong feelings; I felt that I couldn’t simply love this country with out an understanding of it’s heart and an acceptance of my feelings. I see my “thing” for Japan as much deeper than an appreciation for it’s culture, language and people. I am married to Japan. It is deep inside of me, a part that can never be thrown away or denied.
But Japan and I have had our differences; when we were closest while I live there, we couldn’t always get along. Maybe it was the frustration of learning to live with myself on my own and no real fault of Japan… but either way, I have had many second thoughts about the quality of my life if I chose to go back there. I don’t really think my outgoing, quirky personality will ever be accepted or acceptable in Japan.
I think it might be better to try and tread a new path. Instead of constantly recreating whatever experiences I could have wanted in my study abroad, I can make new paths. More than anything I look forward to this fresh start. I don’t care that I don’t speak much Korean yet. I will learn. I will train and prefect my TaeKwondo form. I will travel to Southeast Asia, and see the Asian Art Museum’s contents with my own eyes.
This is the start of a new chapter in the novel I called Life (because so much of it is what you make up yourself). With head held high, and my worldy possessions on my back, I go forward.
Embark!
